Waylon Loves Monty, Who Loves Waylon?
by Silvertide
Summary: Smithers finds out the truth of his relationship to Burns as his life descends into a a chain of events that threaten him with unemployment and unrequited love. [FINISHED!]
1. Waylon Loves Monty, Who Loves Waylon?

Note: All copyrights belong to their respective owners, and I am not one of the respective owners. Furthermore, this tale was made in honor of the fiction it was based on, and done so without any intent to make money, so please do not sue if you own said copyrights.  
  
WAYLON LOVES MONTY, WHO LOVES WAYLON? by Silvertide  
  
"Smithers! Come over here, I am in need of your assistance!"  
  
An old man, clad in grey-green clothes, stared into a wall of electronic monitors. Their screens were filled with moving black and white images of men working inside of a nuclear power plant full of metal pipes and complex machinery. Well they were at work, if at work meant getting a paycheck for showing up. Only a third of the people seen were actually doing something other than eating, sleeping, socializing, trying to escape locked rooms full of lethal radiation, and chasing two-headed ducks while riding in wheelbarrows marked with the words, "For Use With Toxic Materials". A spectacled man in a forest green coat rushed to the side of the old man.  
  
"Right here sir," said the man in green.  
  
"Smithers! Watching these peons pretending to work is making me hungry, I wish to eat breakfast now."  
  
"Very good sir... But I believe I already set your breakfast on your desk. Sir."  
  
"Of course you did! I know that. I just need some assistance with..."  
  
"With using your utensils sir?"  
  
"Well no! I don't need help holding a knife and fork! What do you think I expect you to do? Feed me like a baby?"  
  
"Well, that's what I do end up doing every morning, sir."  
  
"I gave up on using utensils this morning and tried using my hands. It was quite invigorating to eat unaided, but I had some trouble with one of the food items..."  
  
The old man was C. Montgomery Burns. He owned a nuclear power plant and was the richest man in the town of Springfield. He was also hunch-backed, hooked-nosed much like a vulture, bone-skinny and balding. His assistant, Waylon Smithers, served him day and night, both in the power plant and in the old man's massive mansion. Mr. Smithers had been serving Mr. Burns for years, and was almost always at the old man's side. The two men walked over to a large desk in front of a set of tall windows overlooking a small town. Mr. Burns peered through the long slates of glass at the town below.  
  
"Bah! Springfield is full of nitwits and incompetents! It's a miracle that my Springfieldian employees haven't blown up my plant and completely ruined my entire enterprise in the entrepreneurship of this electrical facility! Smithers, you are probably my most competent employee, if only more of my workers could be like you."  
  
"Thank you sir... What part of your breakfast did you need help with?"  
  
"Ah yes! My breakfast. Well, I ran into some difficulty with tearing the crusts off these slices of bread."  
  
"Well, it would be my pleasure to take care of that for you sir."  
  
"Excellent..."  
  
Smithers proceeded to tear off the brown crusts of Mr. Burn's bread. As he carefully peeled off the thin layers, he nervously looked over at his boss and began to speak.  
  
"Mr. Burns?"  
  
"Yes Smithers?"  
  
"I was wondering, you just said I was your best employee. Am I just an employee to you, or can I be more than that?"  
  
"Whatever do you mean?" Burns asked with a bewildered expression.  
  
"I probably spend more time with you than anybody else in the world-"  
  
"What?!? But what about my good bear friend Bobo?" exclaimed Burns as he pulled out a stuffed Teddy Bear.  
  
"...I meant any other human being. Sir."  
  
"Ah yes, I suppose that is true. But I still don't see your point."  
  
"I'll put this bluntly sir. Would you consider me a... friend?"  
  
A blank look filled Burn's eyes as he hesitantly replied, "A... friend? Well, uh I..."  
  
Before Burns could finish his sentence, Smithers interrupted in a low tone of voice, "If you wouldn't, don't hesitate to say so. A superior man like you shouldn't worry about hurting my inferior feelings."  
  
"Don't be preposterous! Of course you're my friend, why wouldn't you be?"  
  
"Oh, that is such a relief! After all those times you treated me like nothing more than a slavish lackey and coldly ignored my constant sexual advances-"  
  
"Se-sex-u-al advances? What sexual advances are you refer-"  
  
"-I mean, friendly come ons... er- I mean to say uh... signs of non-sexual platonic affection..." nervously replied Smithers.  
  
"What signs of affection are you referring to?" asked Burns.  
  
"Oh, never mind. Forget I ever mentioned- uh, the point is sir, I am glad that you actually consider me a friend. After all the time I have spent with you as your assistant, I have developed a great deal of affection for you and I hoped that you might feel... the same about me."  
  
"Well, of course I feel the same about you..." said Burns with a smile.  
  
"Really sir?" exclaimed Smithers as his eyes widened.  
  
"You're friends with me and I'm friends with you, right chum?"  
  
"I am very happy to hear that sir... is it possible that we could be more than friends?" asked Smithers with a hopeful look in his eyes.  
  
"More than friends? Of course we are..." said Burns with a sly smile.  
  
Smithers eyes lit up.  
  
"...we're employer and faithful employee. We're not just chums, but we're co-workers too." said Burns with a grin.  
  
"Oh." said Smithers disappointingly as he looked down.  
  
"Ah, I see you are done with my bread... friend. Would you be kind enough to pour me some piping hot tea in my little tea cup?" asked Burns as he held up a tea cup.  
  
"Oh yes, of course."  
  
"Now that we have come clean and admitted our friendship to each other, would you like to go out and enjoy something together? A moving picture show? A good watching of a good old baseball game? Or maybe we could do something else that good old pals like us could go out and enjoy together?"  
  
"Well there is a new musical playing in the little Springfield theater, Still In The Closet Magazine' gave it a really good review."  
  
"Really? Actually, that sounds like a total waste of time. But I wouldn't be much of a friend if I didn't give you the chance to tell me more about it, so go on and tell me what the show is about, old chum..." said Burns as he lifted his cup of tea to his mouth.  
  
"Well, it's about the budding romance between a beautiful secretary and her boss at the office. The secretary had been in love with her boss for years, but he had never loved her back the way she-"  
  
Suddenly without warning, Burns slapped Smithers in the face with his empty hand and poured the hot tea in his cup on top of Smithers' head. With the contents of Burns' tea cup dripping down Smithers' face, the devilish old man cackled with fiendish delight. Smithers stood still with painfully hot tea urging him to scream in pain, but all he did was stand quietly with wide eyed surprise.  
  
"Ha ha ha ha ha!" laughed Burns, "I really had you going there, you witless nincompoop! You thought- he he heh- you thought- mh-ha ha ha! -you thought I was actually your friend! Me, the mighty Monty Burns and you, the lowly peon, Waylon Smithers- friends? Hee hee ha ha ha ha ha!"  
  
"So you said you were my friend just as a heartless prank?"  
  
"Of course I did you dolt! If I really were your friend- he he hee! -I wouldn't be laughing at you now, would I?"  
  
"I suppose this horrible wrenching feeling of sorrow I am experiencing now is all my fault. I shouldn't have hoped for your friendship in the first place..." Smithers said sadly.  
  
"No need to be so down, my lad. I was only joshing with you when I called you a dolt and a witless nincompoop. And the slap in the face with the hot tea was just some good-natured rough-housing. You may not be my friend, but I still consider you my best employee." chuckled Mr. Burns.  
  
Smithers made a weak smile knowing that he was at least his boss's favorite employee, although he wished he were more. "Is there anything else I can do for you sir?" asked Smithers.  
  
"No, I don't think- hey! What-? What- What is this mess around my desk? Why is my bread wet with tea? How did this mess happen?"  
  
"Well sir, you made it when-"  
  
"I made this mess?!?" exclaimed Burns, "I didn't make this mess, this must have been your fault somehow! Go clean it up right away!"  
  
"Yes sir." Smithers said meekly.  
  
As Smithers nervously tried to clean off the spilled tea on the table, he accidentally dropped a slice of bread on the floor. When Burns saw what Smithers did, he became very upset and as he pointed his finger at Smithers for being so clumsy, he accidentally knocked over a tea pot, spilling hot tea all over Smithers' groin area.  
  
"Smithers! What is wrong with you today? You just dropped a perfectly good slice of bread on the dirty floor, and with the other slice you accidentally spilled tea on... why, that comes to a total of two ruined pieces of bread! Why are you so clumsy today Smithers?" scolded Burns.  
  
"Sir, I-" Smithers struggled to speak as he suppressed the urge to scream from having piping hot tea spilled all over his sensitive area. "Sir, I deeply apologize for my poor performance today, it won't ever happen again."  
  
"It had better not hap- what is this? You spilled more tea all over yourself? Do you wish to join the unemployment line? Get yourself together! You usually do better work than this."  
  
"Sorry sir. I'll throw away-" Smithers winced from the painfully hot tea that was just spilled on him. "-these pieces of bread now and get you two fresh ones in a moment... sir."  
  
"What? You're throwing them away? That bread cost good money, I refuse to have them go to waste. Smithers, be a good lad and eat them so that they won't go to waste." commanded Burns.  
  
"But sir, one slice is disgustingly soggy and the other is covered with dirt and pieces of hair from-"  
  
"Stop giving me excuses and start eating." commanded Burns.  
  
"Yes sir." Reluctantly, Smithers ate the soggy slice of bread. Even more reluctantly, he put the second slice up to his face. Patches of gray and black covered one of the corners and pieces of hair stuck out from the middle. Before Smithers tried to brush off the dust and grime, he looked over at his boss.  
  
"Stop wasting time. Eat it now." said Burns.  
  
Smithers ate the bread, with a disgusted grimace on his face as he chewed and swallowed the foul slice of bread. After the last bite was gulped down, Burns broke out laughing.  
  
"Hee hee ha ha ha hah!" cackled Burns. "You actually ate it- oh god that was funny! Hee hee he- hee he- hahahahahahahahahaha!"  
  
Smithers felt ready to cry, but he held his composure and laughed along with his boss. "Oh yes! Ha ha ha, that was a pretty funny thing I did. Will that be all sir?"  
  
"Oh, yes. That'll be all, carry on with what you were doing befor-"  
  
The telephone rang, interrupting Burns in mid-sentence. Smithers quickly answered it.  
  
"Hello? Yes, yes he's- well he's very busy right now, could you- what? You need to speak with him now?"  
  
"Who is it?" asked Burns.  
  
"Well sir, he says he's an old friend of yours, and he seems very insistent on speaking with you."  
  
"Oh, very well. Give it here." Smithers gave him the phone. "Oh, Hello?"  
  
"If there is anything else sir, I'll be in the other room." said Smithers as he choked back tears.  
  
"No, that'll be all Smithers."  
  
The loyal assistant walked away from the object of his affections. With his back turned to Burns, his legs had stopped screaming in pain from piping hot tea, as a tear streamed down his cheek. His secret love was not meant to be. Waylon loved Burns, but did anybody love Waylon? 


	2. When Assistants Love Their Bosses

Note: I do not own the copyrights to the "Simpsons" characters. This story was made in honor of the fiction it was based on, and done so without any intent to make money. May the respective owners not sue me.  
  
WHEN ASSISTANTS LOVE THEIR BOSSES by Silvertide  
  
"Who the devil is this?" asked Burns as he put the telephone receiver to his ear. "If this is another avaricious telemarketing alchemist trying to sell me queer love potions on the pretense of being an 'old friend', I will say again, leave me alone!"  
  
At the doorway of the office, Smithers turned around and looked back at Burns. A hunched-backed silhouette was cast before a set of high windows reaching up to the ceiling of Burns' office. For years Mr. Smithers reached for an unlikely dream. For years Smithers worked slavishly and with dogged loyalty. For years Mr. Smithers was Mr. Burns' assistant. Then just minutes ago all hopes of his dreams shattered with a slap to the face and a crooked malicious cackling laugh from his cold hearted boss. How could Mr. Smithers and Mr. Burns ever be more than friends, when Burns thought of Smithers as nothing more than a mere employee? Smithers turned away from Burns and kept walking away, doing his best to hide his tears and sobs.   
  
"Mr. Burns! It is so good to hear from you again! It has been so long." said a voice on the other end of the telephone line.  
  
"So long? So long since when?" replied Burns.  
  
"This is Mr. Kitchner, you remember me right?" asked the voice.  
  
"You say your name is Kitchner? I don't know anybody named Kitchner, what are you blabbering about? What are you after? My money?"  
  
"Don't you remember me? I- oh, that's right! You had special nickname for me, after you became my mentor while I was at Yale-"  
  
"Wait! Kitchner? Yale? I'm starting to remember something... ah yes, I remember a young, promising lad at Yale named... Kitchy-boy!" exclaimed Burns.  
  
"Ah, you do remember me!"  
  
"Oh Kitchy-boy! It's been years. How have you been? Do you still go out on the town adulterating while the little lady at home is taking care of the baby? Last I heard, you were quite the ladies man... away from the old lady! Ha ha!" laughed Burns.  
  
"Oh ho ho ho ho! That was more than twenty years, and five near-divorces ago. It's been a miracle that I've stayed married to the same evil, vicious, but utterly irresistible woman all these years."  
  
"Twenty years? Has it really been that long?"  
  
"Yes, and in that time I have made good use of all you taught me. Today I am the proud owner of a dozen coal powered power plants that makes me filthy rich while they make the air filthy dirty."  
  
"Kitchy-boy, it sounds like everything is going rather splendid for you."  
  
"Yes, it is, but I have a big favor to ask of you."  
  
"What is it? Anything for an old friend... as long as it doesn't cost me anything."  
  
"Ha ha ha! Old Mr. Burns, you are still a cheapskate when it comes to spending money on other people! Well, it concerns the little baby the old lady used to take care of when I was young enough to go enjoy myself around town." laughed the voice on the other end of the line.  
  
"Well I don't know anything about babies... in fact I can't stand the little-"  
  
"Oh, the little baby is all grown up now. She has grown to be a very attractive young lady, and she just recently graduated from college. I hope for her to run one of my plants some day and then carry on with all my holdings after I finally go to the great bosom bonanza in heaven."  
  
"So you have an heir to carry on after you die. Very good. I should probably do the same thing... I'm at least twice your age, but every time I try to sire or hire an heir something goes horribly awry."  
  
"Well, that is most unfortunate. I feel that before my daughter runs any of my enterprises, she should spend some time with you and learn from you as I did. I was surprised to find out you are still alive, I thought that my daughter might never have had the chance to gain wisdom from you as I did. Would you be willing to help me out?"  
  
"Hm... I suppose I could help you, but I do have a power plant to run."  
  
"Oh, she can join as a volunteer intern and help out as... an assistant perhaps?"  
  
"I already have a very good assistant. Smithers has served me very well over the years and- wait, actually he performed quite poorly today. He customarily does bang-up work, but he was unusually insufficient this morning and created a big mess."   
  
"Maybe my daughter could intern as an assistant to him, and while she makes up for his newly acquired incompetence, you can pass on words of wisdom to her."  
  
"Actually, that's not a bad idea... very well. I'll do it, I'll have her be Smithers' assistant."  
  
"Oh! Thank you very much, Mr. Burns. You will not regret this."  
  
"When can I expect to see her?"  
  
"She can come the beginning of next week."  
  
"Good. Well, it has been good hearing from you, Kitchy-boy. I look forward to seeing a young, talented and promising future entrepreneur, just like one I met and mentored over twenty years ago at Yale."  
  
"Well thank you very much Mr. Burns! I'll go tell my magnificent Mabel the good news right away!"  
  
"Yes yes, go do that. I'll have Smithers tell you the details of how to get to my plant later. Goodbye now."  
  
"Yes, thank you again. Goodbye Mr. Burns!"  
  
The employees of the Springfield nuclear power plant had been used to hearing their boss, C. Montgomery Burns, yell at and scold them for not being excellent employees like Waylon Smithers. For years Mr. Smithers was an almost perfect assistant to Mr. Burns, but since the morning Burns told Smithers they were not friends, Smithers barely got any work done. Since almost a week after that one teary-eyed morning, Burns had been yelling at Smithers for being a lousy and incompetent personal assistant. Rumors of Mr. Smithers getting fired soon spread throughout the company. In a worker's break room during the beginning of the week, a trio of workers stood around a snack table discussing the important issues of the day.  
  
"Gentlemen. Compatriots. Good friends. After much vigorous pondering this morning, I have arrived to the answer to one of mankind's most perplexing predicaments: 'Which is superior, jelly-filled doughnuts or chocolate-filled doughnuts?" declared a man holding up two doughnuts.  
  
"Perplexing predica-what?" asked another worker standing around the snack table, "Why are you talking that way Homer?"  
  
"What 'way' are you referring to good sir?" replied Homer.  
  
"The way you're trying to sound smarter than you are by using big words."  
  
"I was trying to set the mood for giving the answer to this long standing question. Lenny." replied Homer in annoyance.  
  
The third worker at the break room table decided to join in the conversation. "Set the mood for a 'long standing question'? Homer, we just started eating chocolate-filled doughnuts last week. Before that you'd been eating jelly-filled ones for years."  
  
"But Carl! The chocolate-filled ones taste so good, and the jelly ones taste so good too! It's really hard to decide which one to eat first." said Homer in reply.  
  
"Leave it to Homer to make a big deal over eating doughnuts." Carl said to Lenny.  
  
"Well, all Homer does is eat, sleep and drink beer. He should be the expert." said Lenny.  
  
"That's right. And I have decided that the best choice between jelly-filled doughnuts and chocolate-filled doughnuts is-"  
  
"Is what Homer?" asked Carl.  
  
"You stopped talking before-"  
  
Before Lenny could finish speaking, Homer put both of the two doughnuts in his hands into his mouth at the same time. While he was still chewing them, he mumbled with doughnut crumbs flying out of his mouth, "Both."  
  
Lenny and Carl gave Homer a silent look, then Lenny turned to Carl and tried to change the subject, "So uh, Carl. Have you heard about how Burns is ready to fire Mr. Smithers any day now?"  
  
"Oh yeah, I have. But I also heard that Burns might just demote him and hire a replacement." replied Carl.  
  
"Smithers is going to get fired? He's the biggest brown noser in this company, how could he get fired?" asked Homer.  
  
"You haven't heard?" asked Lenny.  
  
"Last week Smithers went from being a grade A suck-up to a grade A screw-up." said Carl.  
  
"Hey, I heard Burns hired somebody to intern as Smithers' assistant."  
  
"Where'd you hear that from Lenny?" asked Homer.  
  
"The secretary who works in front of Burns' big office told me during her coffee break. She said the new assistant would be coming in today." replied Lenny.  
  
"Watch this new guy turn out to be a bigger suck-up than Smithers." laughed Carl.  
  
"Yeah, Smithers should watch out. This new guy might end up taking his job." added Homer.  
  
A young woman's voice interrupted the conversation. "Excuse me, but could somebody please tell me where Mr. Burns' office is?"  
  
Homer and Carl looked toward the break room doorway. Lenny, without looking up from a doughnut he picked up off the snack table said, "Burns' office? Oh, just go all the way down the hall from this floor's elevator... or was it two lefts from the elevator upstairs? Hey Carl-"  
  
As Lenny turned to Carl, he realized that his friend was not listening. Homer and Carl were staring at the snack room doorway with their mouths hanging open.  
  
"What's wrong Carl? Why are you and Homer just standing there staring-"  
  
Lenny went silent as he looked over at the doorway. There stood a woman with eyes like sparkling sapphires, hair golden as fields of wheat, a figure like an hourglass, and skin that glowed with perfect complexion. Descriptions of her beauty could have ran on for thousands of pages, but she was basically the most beautiful woman Homer, Lenny and Carl had ever seen in their lives. With their mouths hanging wide open, they just stared. Silently, with the woman wondering if she had said something wrong.  
  
The woman broke the awkward silence with a confused look in her eye. "I'm sorry, was I bothering you? I'm just looking for Mr. Burns' office," the woman said apologetically. "Can one of you help me find-"  
  
"Oh, I'll personally escort you to his office," offered Carl.  
  
"I know a faster way to get to Burns' office, let me personally escort you. My name is Lenny by the way," said Lenny.  
  
"Do you want a donut?" asked Homer as he held up a box of doughnuts.  
  
"Don't mind Homer, he's married. I Carl, on the other hand, am very single and willing to escort you to Burns' office."  
  
"Forget about Carl, I make more money than he does. Let me show you the way," said Lenny.  
  
"Oh you guys don't need to escort me. All I need are some directions," said the woman.  
  
All of a sudden, a man in a green coat and glasses came into the room interrupting the conversation. "What's going on in here?" asked the man. "Break ended more than five minutes ago. All of you should get back to your posts immediately."  
  
Homer, Lenny and Carl groaned with disappointment saying, "Yes Mr. Smithers," and quickly left the room saying goodbye to the woman they just met, all hoping to see her again sometime in the future.  
  
"These employees, always slacking off. I'm surprised Burns lets them keep their jobs." said Mr. Smithers to himself. He turned around surprised to see the woman still standing in the doorway behind him. "What are you still doing standing around? I said get to work."  
  
"Oh I'm sorry. I'm new here, I have to report to someone named Mr. Burns, could you help me out?"  
  
"A new employee? I don't remember Mr. Burns telling me about a new employee. I'll tell you what. I'll take you to see him right now," said Smithers.  
  
"Oh thank you!" said the woman as she followed Mr. Smithers out the door.  
  
As the two silently walked through the Springfield nuclear power plant, the eyes of the male employees followed the woman as she passed by. They stopped working just to gaze at her with their mouths hanging wide open. Some stopped what they were doing and followed Smithers and the woman. Mr. Smithers noticed the lack of work happening around him and told everyone to get back to work before he told Burns to start firing them. The train of admirers sulked back to their labors and left the two on their way.  
  
"Wow, you must have a really high position around here. Everybody does what you tell them to," marveled the woman out loud. "And you're so well dressed with that green coat and purple bow tie. You look like my favorite character from a musical I saw a few months ago."  
  
"Oh, thank you. What musical did you see?" asked Smithers, a little flattered.  
  
"I saw this great romance comedy musical called, 'The Young Go-Getter', it was really good, but the story seemed an awful lot like an episode of the old Malibu Stacy cartoon."  
  
"What old episode?" asked Smithers as his eyes lit up with added attention.  
  
"Oh, you probably never saw it before, but it was the one where Malibu Stacy met this young business man and-"  
  
"And fell love with him, but had to leave him after he told her he had no time for love?" interrupted Smithers with a smile.  
  
"You saw it too? Wow, that's amazing! Are you a Malibu Stacy fan?" asked the woman excitedly.  
  
"Yes, I have been for many years." replied Smithers.  
  
"Wow! I am too! I never expected to meet another fan like this," said the woman as they turned around a corner.  
  
"Well... same here."  
  
"My name's Mabel, Mabel Kitchner. It's nice to meet you," said the woman.  
  
"Well it's nice to meet you too. People around here call me Mr. Smithers, but you can call Waylon."  
  
"Oh, nice to meet- wait, your name is Waylon Smithers? Are you the same Waylon Smithers who wrote 'The Many Faces of Malibu Stacy: An American Success Story'?"  
  
"Why yes I am." replied a surprised Waylon Smithers.  
  
"Oh my goodness! That's my favorite book! I'm a huge fan of Malibu Stacy, I run a fan website at www.bestdollintheworld.com and-"  
  
"Did you say www.besdollintheworld.com? That's my favorite Malibu Stacy website! Do you know MSfan001?"  
  
"Yeah! I'm MSfan001!" replied Mabel excitedly.  
  
"I don't believe this!" exclaimed Smithers. "You write some of the best Internet articles on Malibu Stacy I have ever seen!"  
  
"Really?" asked Mabel. "This is so unbelievable, I never would have thought two big fans like us would meet like this!"  
  
Smithers smiled at Mabel and she smiled back as they walked down a long hallway towards a pair of massive doors. The two continued ranting about how great Malibu Stacy was and gushing about how much they had admired each other's fan writings until Waylon stopped at a large desk near the two huge doors. There was a woman sitting behind the desk with office supplies and a telephone scattered in front of her. She looked up at the two and said, "Hello, can I help you?"  
  
"Who are you, and what are you doing sitting at this desk in front of Mr. Burns' office?" asked Smithers with a stern tone of voice.  
  
"I'm Mr. Burns' new secretary" she replied. "Oh! You must be Waylon Smithers. My name is Andrea Giarrusso, and I'll be taking care of Mr. Burns' phone calls from now on."  
  
"But, as Mr. Burns' personal assistant, that's my job." said a baffled Waylon.  
  
"Really? Well I just started today and Mr. Burns told me that answering calls to him would be part of my job."  
  
"What?!? He hired you without telling me... oh God, things have gotten worse than I thought," cried Waylon. "Do you do anything else other than answer the phone?"  
  
"Mh-hm." nodded the secretary, making Waylon cringed with anxiety. "I also take messages and help set appointments for meeting him. I don't do much more than that."  
  
"I see," said Waylon with a sigh of relief. He wondered why Burns never told him about this, but was relieved to find that she only took over his phone duties. Waylon looked over at his new friend, Mabel, noticing for the first time how absolutely beautiful she looked. Then he realized that she might have been hired to replace him. Jealousy began to run hot in his veins, but he kept his composure not letting his insecurity show and hoped that his new found friend would not become a new found rival.  
  
"What's wrong?" asked Mabel sensing Waylon's darkened mood.   
  
"It's nothing," replied Waylon. "We should get going. It was pleasure to meet you, Ms. Giarrusso."  
  
"Oh, the pleasure was all mine."  
  
Two gigantic wooden doors turned on massive hinges, opening the way to the head office where Mr. Burns awaited Waylon and Mabel. A long red carpet stretched from the doorway to a wide colossal desk, set in front of a wall of tall windows flanked by massive drapes. Behind the big desk sat the bony old man Mr. Burns, owner of the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant.   
  
"Ah, Smithers. I was about to have Miss Giarrusso call for you," said Burns. "I have some important news."  
  
"You never told me you planned to hire a new secretary," said Waylon.  
  
"Oh I'm sorry. I must have forgotten, but then I don't have to tell my employees everything now. Who's that ravishing maiden you have there? Is she a new girlfriend?"  
  
Waylon quivered as Burns used the word "employees", wishing he were more than just that. "This is a miss Mabel Kitchner. She claims that she is a new employee and that she was to report directly to you."  
  
"Mabel Kitchner? Oh! You must be Kitchy-boy's daughter! My old friend told me you'd be here to intern as Smithers' new assistant."  
  
"What? New- new assistant? Mr. Burns, you never told anything me about-"  
  
"Smithers, calm down and stop acting like I'm firing you. After your recent inept performance as my personal assistant, a lightening of your workload might be just what you need."  
  
"Mr. Burns, you don't have to hire extra help. I know my recent performance hasn't been what it used to be, but I can improve! Please just-"  
  
"Smithers! Shut up. I have already made my final decision. Now Miss Kitchner, as for you..." said Burns as he stood up and walked over to Mabel.  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"Welcome to my plant," said Burns as he shook Mabel's hand. "Kitchy-boy told me you'll be running the family business someday, and he wanted me to educate you on what you need to know to be a big business tycoon."  
  
"It is an honor to meet you Mr. Burns, my father has said so many good things about you."  
  
"Well, it is my pleasure to meet you Miss Kitchner. And oh, you don't have to call me Mr. Burns, a lovely lady such as yourself can call me Monty. That's what my friends call me." said Burns with a wink.  
  
"He never lets me call him Monty," Waylon quietly thought to himself.  
  
"Tell me, Mabel- I can call you Mabel, correct?" asked Burns.  
  
"Um, sure thing." said Mabel nervously.  
  
"Mabel, why is a beautiful woman such as yourself interested in becoming a big power plant entrepreneur like me and your father? Do you have the same lust for wealth and power that we do?"  
  
"Oh I'm only doing it because my father wants me to. I really want to get in the doll making industry, I'd absolutely love to work for the company that makes Malibu Stacy dolls."  
  
"Malibu Stacy? I never heard of it."  
  
"You never heard of Malibu Stacy? Mr. Burns, didn't Waylon ever tell you about Malibu Stacy before? He's as big a fan as I am."  
  
"Oh yes! Malibu Stacy. I must have forgotten. Smithers, come over here."  
  
"Yes Monty?"  
  
"Don't yes Monty me, call me Mr. Burns. You're an employee, not my mother," scolded Burns. "And you're not a special friend either," said Burns as he looked at Mabel with a wink. "Now Smithers, I want you to show Mabel around the plant so she knows how things work around here. Come back here in few hours, and I'll begin telling Mabel all I know about how to be a great business man."  
  
"Brilliant plan sir. You can count on me."  
  
"And don't screw things up with her, like how you almost crashed my car this morning while you were driving me to the plant. Anymore bungling and I'll fire you. Do you understand?"  
  
"Yes sir. Very good sir."  
  
"Mabel. Could you please wait outside while I speak with Smithers privately? It's about his employment status with this company, nothing you need to hear."  
  
"Okay. Um, sure thing," said Mabel with some worry for Waylon.  
  
"Oh, don't call me Mr. Burns, call me Monty. I told you all my friends call me Monty."  
  
Mabel stepped out the door and as they closed behind her she heard Burns begin yelling. She looked back and saw Waylon wincing just before the massive doors closed shut. With her ear pressed against the door, she heard most of what they said to each other. "...and then you accidentally freed the two radioactive gorillas in the basement! If Lenny and Carl hadn't recaptured them, the animal rights activists would have been all over us, demanding that we pay the filthy apes more than minimum wage!" screamed Burns.  
  
"But sir, those hyper-intelligent gorillas were doing most of the calculations for-"  
  
"Bah! If I wanted to pay them more than minimum wage, I would have actually hired somebody with a degree in nuclear physics instead of using experimental genius gorillas."  
  
"But sir-"  
  
"Don't 'but sir' me, Smithers! You levels of competence and bootlicking have been in a steady decline over the past week! You are very close to joining the unemployment line downtown."  
  
"But sir-"  
  
"What was that?"  
  
"I mean- er, yes sir!"  
  
"That's right. Now that you have lighter workload, you should be doing better work from now on. Listen. That fair lass Mabel, how much do you know about her? The two of you seemed to be getting along very well when you came in the door."  
  
"We just met as I was coming up today sir."  
  
"Good. I plan to woo her. She is quite the dish, as I am sure you have already noticed. While she assists you in your day-to-day duties, I want you to find out more about her so you can advise me on how best to court her."  
  
"Didn't you say she was your friend's daughter, why don't you ask him for-'  
  
"Oh, I can't ask Kitchy-boy for that kind of help. He might not like that I'm trying to woo her, it would be quite embarrassing if he found out what I'm planning to do."  
  
"What exactly are you planning to do sir?"  
  
"I plan to have some fun with a beautiful lady. I'm not looking for a relationship or anything like that, I just want to indulge my lust for that beautiful Mabel."  
  
"How... roguish and conniving of you sir," said Smithers with pity for Mabel. "I hope she doesn't fall for Mr. Burns' charms, a sweet girl like her doesn't deserve that kind of treatment." Waylon thought to himself quietly.  
  
"Hey, what are you doing?" asked a woman's voice.  
  
"Huh? What?" asked Mabel as she took her ear off the door and turned around. Andrea Giarrusso stood behind her, holding a stack of folders. "Uh, nothing."  
  
"Nothing? You're not spying on Mr. Burns, are you? Why was your ear pressed against the door like that?" asked Giarrusso.  
  
"I was just-"  
  
"Spying? I'm going to report this to the boss right now. You're going to be in a lot of trouble when he finds out you were up to no good."  
  
"But I-"  
  
Before Mabel could stammer out an excuse, the doors opened and Waylon stepped out of Burns' office, surprised to see an agitated Mabel. "What is going on here?" asked Waylon.  
  
"When I was on my way to deliver these files, I caught this woman with her ear against those doors, listening in on the boss." said Giarrusso while Mabel stood silently mortified. "Mr. Burns will not like this when he hears about it."  
  
"Miss Kitchner was not spying, she was checking the doors for termites like I asked her to." said Waylon.  
  
"Checking for termites?" asked Giarruso.  
  
"Yes, I heard scratching noises on the door as I went into Mr. Burns' office, and I asked her to check the door to see if there were termites inside."  
  
"Well are there any termites, Miss Kitchner?" Giarruso asked Mabel.  
  
"Um, no. The- The noises were from a mouse. It ran away, but I decided to double check so that's why you saw me with my ear to the door. I couldn't hear through the doors anyway, so I there was no way I could have been spying." stammered Mabel.  
  
"Right. Checking for termites. I'll go deliver these reports to the boss now, so please excuse me." said Giarruso as she went into Burns' office.  
  
When Andrea Giarruso was out of earshot, Mabel looked at Waylon and smiled. "I can't believe you lied for me!" Mabel suddenly embraced Waylon in her arms, then looked him straight in the eyes and said, "I don't know how I can repay you for this."  
  
"W- What did you hear?" stammered Waylon. Nothing else came to his mind as he looked into her beautiful blue eyes and found himself wanting her arms wrapped around him forever.  
  
"I- I heard Mr. Burns' plans. Don't worry. I'm used to being chased around by alot of guys, I won't fall for anything he tries with me." replied Mabel as she let go of Waylon, realizing that she might have hugged him for a little too long.  
  
Waylon quietly sighed from relief as he silently thought to himself; "Good, if you ever did fall for him, Mr. Burns might love you back and he would never reciprocate the feelings I have for him."  
  
"Do you think she'll say anything to Mr. Burns?"  
  
"I certainly hope not."  
  
The faint sound of Burns screaming could be heard through the closed doors. Waylon and Mabel put their ears to the door and listened. "How dare you!" exclaimed Burns. A woman's muffled voice replied and Burns screamed out "How dare you!" again. Mabel and Waylon pressed their ears against the door a little harder and they were able to hear what the woman was saying.  
  
"But Mr. Burns," said Andrea Giarruso, "Aren't you concerned that this woman, Mabel Kitchner, was listening in on your private conversation with Mr. Smithers? What if she's actually a corporate spy who-"  
  
"Cease your besmirching of that beautiful woman! She is the daughter of an old friend of mine, she can't possibly be a spy." replied Burns.  
  
"But Mr. Burns-"  
  
"Don't 'But Mr. Burns' me. Stop speaking ill of Mabel, or your first day working for me will be your last!"  
  
"Very well. But if I prove right, don't forget that I warned you. Will there be anything else you need, Mr. Burns?"  
  
"No, that will be all."  
  
Andrea Giarruso swung open the doors of Burns' office, eyeing Waylon and Mabel walking away. The new secretary had a feeling they were listening in on her conversation with Mr. Burns, she just knew they were and she was sure they pretended not to look back at her as they walked off. Waylon looked back straight at Giarruso. She stared back with a vengeful glare. He continued walking down the long hallway, while Mabel tried to make cheerful small talk.   
  
Over the next few weeks, Mabel helped Waylon with various assistant duties that Mr. Burns had for him, from making employee reviews, tucking in Burns when he went to sleep, to keeping the radioactive deformities in the local wildlife secret. With her help, Waylon got less complaints about his performance, although Mabel was doing more of the work itself. She was beginning to spend more time with Burns than Waylon did, but this did not make him too jealous, after all she was just working as an intern temporarily. During the time that the two spent together, they found that they had more in common than their mutual passion for Malibu Stacy dolls. They both had an interest in clothing fashions, loved the same kind of music, liked to watch daytime soap operas and when they were together, the two of them often laughed at the same things. Waylon found himself spending more and more time with Mabel outside of work. Most of it was spent over the phone, talking about whatever came to their minds for many long hours.  
  
One early morning, Waylon was driving Burns to the power plant when the old man began a disturbing conversation. "Smithers. I have decided to ask Mabel's father if he'd be willing to let her work for me on a permanent basis."  
  
Now Waylon liked Mabel. As friend. Outside of work he had nothing but good feelings towards her. But on the job, sometimes he felt a little jealous of the attention she received from Burns. In addition to her duties helping Burns as his personal assistant's assistant, she also spent extra time with him in special "mentoring sessions", where Burns went back and forth between telling her stories of all the evil things he did as a business man, and trying to seduce her with what little fiendish charms he had. Not letting his envy show, Waylon replied, "Are you sure she wants to work for you on a permanent basis, sir?  
  
"Oh I'll try convincing her after I get her father's blessing first. I haven't been able to successfully woo her with my virile charms, but I'm sure if given enough time she will succumb to them soon enough." said Burns with a malevolent smile.  
  
"And if she never falls for your charismatic advances?"  
  
"Oh she will Smithers. She will. I'll make sure I have her one way or another."  
  
"Have her for your love instead of as an employee?"  
  
"No. Have her to satisfy my lust and have her as an employee at the same time."  
  
"What?!?" exclaimed Waylon as he suddenly swerved off the road.  
  
"Smithers! What are you doing?" cried Burns as the car suddenly tilted slightly to one side.  
  
"I'm sorry sir. I just lost control for a second there." said Waylon as he regained control of the car.  
  
"We almost crashed you dunderhead. How could you blunder like that? Are you becoming incompetent again like you were a few weeks ago?" scolded Burns.  
  
"No sir."  
  
"You had better not. Your service level has been quite adequate as of late, I'd hate to see you regress."  
  
"I've been meaning to ask you sir, why haven't you reinstated my duties answering you phone? Why is that bit- I mean, why is that woman Andrea Giarrusso still your secretary for the phone? You don't get enough phone calls to justify the cost of keeping her around full time."  
  
"Oh Andrea is such a joy to have around. She bootlicks just as good as you can and she's always telling me who I should fire. That woman always manages to pick the most fun to fire people."  
  
"But everybody hates her, and I think she's plotting against me and Mabel. Giarrusso always gives us a hard time whenever we have to talk with her."  
  
"Oh she already apologized for accidentally kicking you in the groin, which by the way was quite funny. And except for that time she accused Mabel of being a corporate spy, there have been no problems between her and that delectable dish of womanhood."  
  
"And people have told me she says awful things about me and Mabel behind our backs."  
  
"What sort of awful things?"  
  
"She tells everyone that you and Mabel are having a secret affair and-"  
  
"What's wrong with that? I wish I were having a secret affair with Mabel, but she's so resistant of my charms."  
  
"As beautiful as you are sir, the way she describes it you makes Mabel look like a harlot who would get together with any man. Numerous male employees have made advances on her because of the rumors she spreads."  
  
"Have any been successful?" asked Burns with widened eyes of worry.  
  
"No sir but-"  
  
"Well, then I have nothing to worry about."  
  
"Don't you want to know what she's been saying about me, sir?"  
  
"No, I don't care. Speak no more of this, I want to spend some quiet time with Bobo." said Burns as he took out a teddy bear and began hugging it.  
  
What Burns said troubled Waylon, he hated how Burns wanted Mabel as a lover and he feared that she might replace him as Burns' assistant. Waylon's fondness for Mabel had grown over the past few weeks, he convinced himself he only liked her as a friend even though he thought about her as much as he thought about Burns. He liked her, but he could not help but feel jealous and threatened by her attention from Burns. Knowing she was at the plant temporarily kept Waylon from hating Mabel, but now he began to resent her. And then there was Andrea Giarrusso. For the past few weeks, Giarrusso had done everything she could to make life hard for the two. From snide remarks to difficult to prove sabotage of their assignments, Waylon and Mabel were under attack. Mabel always barely managed to cover up or make good excuses for the screwed up assignments Giarrusso undermined, but the two could never prove to Burns that Giarrusso was responsible for them. Even with all the complaints from the two, Burns still liked her.  
  
After Waylon escorted Burns to his office, he went over to the work area Mabel was assigned to. With a pink hard hat on her head, she was overseeing the loading of barrels into a hazardous storage area. When she noticed Waylon she waved at him with a bright smile. "Waylon!" she cheerfully yelled out as she rushed over to him, giving him a hug.  
  
"Hello to you too Mabel," said Waylon hugging back. He looked at her with a heavy heart, Waylon realized that he had to see her as a rival now. He thought of all that time he spent working his way up in the company and developing a relationship with Burns. Now a pretty young woman who had only been with the company a few short weeks threatened to take his job away. Burns never said it, but with the way he looked at her, it was not unlikely. Waylon began to seethe in rage and envy as he thought of how she was getting in his way of achieving his secret dream of being more than an employee. And more than a friend.  
  
"Ow! You're hugging me too hard!" squeaked Mabel with a smile.  
  
"Oh sorry," said Waylon as he let go.  
  
"I had a really good time last night, I liked the musical you took me to." said Mabel.  
  
"I had a good time too."  
  
"Where did you say you heard about it from?"  
  
"I read about it in 'Still In The Closet Magazine', it gave a really good review."  
  
"I loved the happy ending where the boss and the secretary finally got married at the end. It was so sad at the beginning how her boss didn't love her like she loved him."   
  
"Yes, it was very sad," said Waylon looking down to the ground.  
  
"Is there something wrong? You look like there's something bothering you."  
  
"No. No I'm fine."  
  
"Come on, you can tell me. I know there's something on your mind."  
  
"Well, I was wondering about you and Mr. Burns-"  
  
"Burns? That evil old man? Please, don't even mention his name. All he ever does in his 'mentoring sessions' with me is brag about all the awful things he's done to people and try to seduce me. It's so gross. He's older than my dad and he thinks he has a chance of making me his girlfriend."  
  
"Mr. Burns isn't all bad, he's just misunderstood. He's actually a great man if you really get to know him."  
  
"You're always saying great things about him, but he looks like nothing more than a selfish jerk who loves being mean to people."  
  
"He's not a bad person, he's actually quite brilliant and-"  
  
"Brilliantly bad."  
  
"Look, you don't know him like I do. If you spent years with him like I had, you would understand." said Waylon with a frown.  
  
"What's to understand? He's evil and he's deluded you and my father. I don't see how he's a great business man. My father is twice the entrepreneur Burns is, I don't understand how-"  
  
"How can you say that? Can't you see his radiant greatness? C. Montgomery Burns is-"  
  
"A scrawny, vulture-nosed, dirty old-"  
  
"Stop that! Don't you dare talk about Mr. Burns like that! He's an under-appreciated great man, how can you not see that?" said Waylon in a rage.  
  
"He's evil, Waylon. I can't see how- oh my God," said Mabel with anger and then with regret. "I'm so sorry. We're fighting again."  
  
"You're right Mabel, we are. I'm sorry too. I don't know what came over me." said Waylon with regret.  
  
"This happens whenever we talk about Burns. I just- I just really, really don't like that man, and sometimes I forget how much you admire him."  
  
"No, I'm the one who should be apologizing. I know that it's been hard for you to work here while he leers at you, hoping to have something he can never have."  
  
"We usually get along so well. Until we start talking about Burns. He's getting more aggressive-"  
  
"Has he-"  
  
"No, nothing physical or threatening, he just spends more time giving me compliments and asking me to spend time with him outside of work. He still doesn't know that all those times I said that I was busy, I was really spending time with you."  
  
"If your father wasn't you friend, he probably would have threatened to fire you by now."  
  
"My father. He sent me here so that I would learn how to run a power plant better, he wants me to run the family business someday."  
  
"You don't seem like the type to run this kind of business."  
  
"What I really want to do is work for the Malibu Stacy company. Oh that would be a dream come true!"  
  
"Did you know that he wants you to work here on a permanent basis?"  
  
"No I didn't," said Mabel, "But I wouldn't mind spending more time with you, after all these weeks I have been here I have really grown fond of you."  
  
"He wants you as an employee and a lover, Mabel."  
  
"I see." said Mabel looking down.  
  
"You're a good girl Mabel. As great a man as Mr. Burns is, the two of you don't belong together." said Waylon, silently thinking of someone else who would belong with Burns, a someone who has wanted to be with Burns for years.  
  
"No. He's not right for me. I don't want to hurt your feelings, but I hate him. I hate looking at him. I hate hearing him talk. I hate how he takes up so much of your attention."  
  
"Why would you hate my devotion to him?"  
  
"It makes me jealous. I mean, um, I-" Mabel suddenly became very nervous. She felt that she said too much, she was not ready to tell Waylon how she really felt. Not just yet.  
  
"He makes you jealous?" asked Waylon, not realizing how Mabel really felt about him.  
  
"I mean- it's like this, see. He- um, how should I put this? I just like you so much as a friend that I wish more of the time we spent together was focused on sharing the things we love rather than you sometimes focusing on him."  
  
"Oh I see. I've been talking about Mr. Burns too much. That's what you meant by jealousy." said Waylon, believing Mabel's lie.  
  
Mabel looked into Waylon's eyes and thought silently to herself, "God. I love this man almost as much as I love Malibu Stacy. I've never met any man who has so much in common with me. I wish that Burns would just fall over and die so we could be together. Why do you like him so much? Burns must have tricked you somehow. That must be it. I hate Burns as much as I love you Waylon. After I find a way to get rid of your devotion to Burns, we'll run away together, and I'll have you all to myself." Mabel smiled.  
  
Waylon smiled back and silently thought to himself, "You must be the most beautiful woman I have ever seen in my life. But you're not more beautiful than Mr. Burns, how could you compete with his fine white mane crowned around his regal scalp, perfect beauty marks, and irresistible eyes set in his wonderfully wrinkled face? As much as I like you as a friend, you're starting to get in between me and my dream. It's bad enough he doesn't consider me more than an employee, with you around taking up his attention I can't make him see me as more than that, and then see me as more than a friend. Like I see him. You make me feel so jealous, he's always talking about you now, but that's okay. After I find a way to get rid of you, I'll make him forget all about you and I can get back to making Burns mine."  
  
In the office of Mr. C. Montgomery Burns, sat an old man behind a desk. A small stuffed bear sat on the desk and a small pile of files sat in front of the seated man. The room was quiet as the elderly gentleman read from the files. Sounds of high heels tapping on the floor broke the silence. Burns looked up and saw his secretary, Andrea Giarrusso standing before him.  
  
"Andrea. What is it?" asked Burns.  
  
The woman went around the desk and sat on Burns' lap. Stroking his bald head, she said, "Oh I was just sitting behind my desk and realized that I missed you. You don't get many phone calls, so I spend most of my time thinking of you."  
  
"Maybe I could give you more to do, like uh, giving me more massages." replied Burns with a grin.  
  
Andrea turned her face away from Burns and cringed. She turned her face back towards Burns and said "I was thinking that maybe you could give me more to do, like say, a higher position than just secretary?"  
  
"Oh you ask me that all the time, with Smithers and Mabel around, I don't need to promote any more of the office employees. That would be a waste of money."  
  
"Smithers is always saying I'm a waste of money. But we both know that's not true," said Giarrusso as she rubbed Burns' hair.  
  
"Well there is just no more room for more personal assistants." replied Burns with a smile.  
  
"Okay, but I just found out something you should know."  
  
"I'm listening."  
  
"You know how you told me that you're trying to make Mabel Kitchner your girlfriend?"  
  
"Yes, go on."  
  
"You know how she always refuses to see you outside of work because she's busy?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Have you ever noticed that Mr. Smithers happens to be busy at the same time she is?"  
  
"What are you trying to say?"  
  
"I overheard the two of them talking about what a great time they've been having outside of work. I think that Mr. Smithers is trying to seduce her behind your back."  
  
"That double-crossing scoundrel. How dare he!" cursed Burns.  
  
"None of the advice he gave you for wooing her has worked. Obviously he's been giving you bad advice so he could have Ms. Kitchner all for himself. It doesn't surprise me though. All the men here want her."  
  
"This is very unlike him. He's been loyal to me for years, how could he do this?"  
  
"He must have a crush on her or something. So, what are you going to do about this, boss?"  
  
"I want to fire him."  
  
"Can I get his job if you do?" asked Giarrusso enthusiastically.  
  
"Well of course. You're just like Smithers when he first started working here, only more ruthless and thankfully more female." said Burns with a skittish smile. "But," said Burns losing his smile, "I can't fire him right away. He has been my best employee for years, I shouldn't rush into it."  
  
"That sounds uncharacteristically merciful of you. Why no ruthless rush to fire him?"  
  
"I want to make him suffer before I fire him. How dare he stand in the way of my plans!" squawked Burns.  
  
"Yes that's the Monty I know." said Giarrusso with a smile.  
  
"Now leave me. I wish to sit and plot against him in quiet."  
  
"Very good sir." said Giarrusso as she got off Burns' lap and walked out of the room.  
  
Burns looked toward the bear sitting on the table and said, "Oh Bobo. My faithful companion." Burns picked up the cherished stuffed bear and started talking to it, "Bobo. My best friend in the whole world. You would never betray me like Smithers, right? Realizing that he has betrayed me makes me hate him. You know what I do to people I hate, right Bobo? That's right. Make their lives a living hell so they'll be sorry they ever crossed C. Montgomery Burns! How dare he get in between me, and my selfish lust for that young flower of a woman, Mabel? What has gotten into him? Does he betray me because I only lust for her, instead of loving her like a good suitor should? Has Smithers fallen in love with her himself? Well, whatever is wrong with him I'll fire him. After I find a way to punish Smithers for wronging me, I'll fire him and Mabel will be mine." 


	3. Waylon Gets Fired?

Note: I don't own the copyrights to the "Simpsons" characters, but the characters unique to this fanfic are my creations. So don't steal credit for them! Also, this story was made without any intent to make money. So if you own copyrights to the "Simpsons" characters, please don't sue me.  
  
WAYLON GETS FIRED? by Silvertide  
  
On an ordinary weekday morning of the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant, Waylon Smithers marched to work like he always did. Well, not exactly. For the past few weeks his workload as personal assistant to the owner of the power plant had fallen because of new employees doing some of his old duties. A beautiful young woman, Mabel Kitchner, whom Waylon had grown fond of, was hired as an assistant intern to him. The owner, C. Montgomery Burns, had also grown fond of Miss Kitchner and she was recently given the job of driving him to the plant in addition to other tasks Waylon used to do. Another woman, an Andrea Giarrusso, was hired to take over Waylon's phone duties. This woman went out of her way to make Mabel and Waylon look bad to Mr. Burns, and she was always asking for a promotion. Waylon missed being around Burns as much as he used to, and he wished that the two new employees would just go away.  
  
Waylon walked down the hallway leading to Mr. Burns' office and opened the doors into Burns' room, but was surprised to find the lights turned off. It was early morning. The sun was resting low in the sky, casting a dim light into the room. The desk and chair of Burns created dark silhouettes in front of the windows of the room which let in the light of the sun.  
  
"Mr. Burns? Are you in here?" called out Waylon.  
  
"I-I'm right h-here Sm-Smithers," replied Burns with a trembling voice. The dark outline in front of the office windows changed as he got up from his seat.  
  
"What's wrong Mr. Burns? Your voice, it's- are you okay?"  
  
"Oh. I've n-never been better Smithers. Everything is just fine now," said Burns as he walked toward Waylon.  
  
"Mr. Burns, where's Mabel? Shouldn't she be here watching over you? And why is the room so dark?"  
  
"Mabel had to go run an errand for me, maybe you can go help her. She's in room C-18, could you turn around and see if she needs any help? It would help me a great deal if you did that right this instant." said Burns as he calmed down.  
  
"C-18? That's the main security room, why would you send Mabel over there for?"  
  
"You idiot! You should have went over there instead of saying that out loud!" shrieked Burns.  
  
Waylon suddenly heard Mabel's voice screaming out from behind him, "Run Waylon! Run now! Save yourself!"  
  
The sound of metal clicking made Burns suddenly tremble and when Waylon turned around looking to the corner of the room, he saw Andrea Giarrusso holding a gun to Mabel Kitchner's head. "Stay right where you are or the girl gets it," threatened Giarrusso.  
  
Burns slapped Waylon on the head and said, "Dammit Smithers! You could have saved us, instead you blundered our only chance!"  
  
"Oh my God! Mabel!" exclaimed Waylon.  
  
"You ruined things for the last time Smithers! You're fired!" screamed Burns.  
  
"No! Please don't fire me!" begged Waylon as he got on his knees.  
  
"Stop that," yelled Burns as he slapped Waylon on the head again, "Do you want to get yourself killed too?"  
  
Giarrusso shoved Mabel toward Waylon and Burns. Mabel fell to her knees, got up and said, "Waylon! Giarrusso's really a corporate spy! She was trying to get close to Mr. Burns to steal company secrets, but I found out and warned him. Now she's threatening to kill Mr. Burns if he doesn't do as she says!"  
  
Without hesitation, Waylon immediately got in between Giarrusso and Burns. "I might not work for Burns anymore, but you'll have to go through me first."  
  
"Okay. Then I'll just kill you and then make Burns talk," said the spy.  
  
"No!" screamed Mabel as she rushed in between Waylon and the gun. As Giarrusso fired, Mabel got in the way and took the shot in the back.  
  
"Mabel!" screamed out Waylon as he rushed to Mabel's side. Sounds of foot steps echoed from the hallway outside. Giarrusso sped out the door, making her escape as several security guards made chase behind her.  
  
Mabel lay in Waylon's arms as she gasped her last breaths, a trickle of blood escaping the corner of her mouth. "Waylon," whispered Mabel, "I love you."  
  
In a darkened room, bed sheets were violently tossed aside, a man awoke from a what was just a nightmare, and Waylon Smithers screamed out; "No! Mabel! I love you too! Don't die now-" Waylon found himself looking at the ceiling of a dark room. He sat up and felt something stream down his face. It touched his mouth, his tongue tasted a salty sorrow. Unable to return to sleep, he groaned and stretched his arm out toward a lamp.  
  
Lights suddenly switched on, illuminating the inside of a messy apartment. Waylon put on his glasses and checked the time; it was a little after two in the morning. Groggy, the tired man slowly got out of bed, all the while considering what his dream really meant to him. With the way Giarrusso treated him, it was no surprise she was a villain in his cheap melodramatic drama of a dream, and the way he stepped in front of Burns was exactly what he would have done even a decade ago. The last image of his dream came back to him every time he closed his eyes. Waylon staggered into his kitchen trying to keep his eyes open.  
  
Half a dozen hours later, Waylon reported in to work. At that time of the workday, he usually would have already reported to Burns' office. But he decided that seeing Mabel and Burns in the same room together would have been too much for him. Waylon managed through the front doors of the power plant, but he could not bring himself to make it to Burns' office. Tired from lack sleep, he struggled to keep his eyes open as he wobbled into an employee break room.   
  
An overweight lower level employee was gorging himself with doughnuts and coffee. Waylon ignored him as he sat at a table and collapsed into his arms. The employee, a Homer Simpson from sector 7-G, noticed Waylon at the table, but ignored him and continued eating. Barely audible over his chewing, there was a muffled sobbing noise. After a few minutes, Homer could no longer stand to hear it.  
  
"Hey Smithers! Could you keep it down? I'm trying to eat here."  
  
Waylon lifted his head slightly and with a sniff he said, "Sorry, I- (sob) didn't mean to- (sob)-"  
  
"Hey are you crying Smithers? Did Burns finally fire you?"  
  
"No- (sob) he- he-"  
  
"He what Smithers?"  
  
Waylon stuttered and sobbed hysterically. "He- (sob) She- (sob)," Waylon put his head back on the table crying. Homer gave up, turning back to eating doughnuts.  
  
Two other employees walked into the break room, one in a green shirt, the other in light blue jacket. The one in a blue jacket noticed Waylon crying at one of the break room tables. He pointed at Waylon and said, "Hey Homer, why's Waylon crying over here? Did he get the pink slip or something?"  
  
"Yeah," said the employee in a green shirt, "What happened? Did Burns decide Smithers didn't kiss enough of his scrawny behind and finally fire him?"  
  
"I don't know, don't look at me." replied Homer.  
  
"Well pass me a double-glazed before you eat them all," said the employee in a blue jacket, "I need a sugary snack boost before my next shift.  
  
"Sure thing Carl," said Homer passing a doughnut to the employee in a blue jacket.   
  
"You want one Lenny?" asked Carl, turning to his green-clad companion, "If you don't get one now, you'll have to take them out of Homer's stomach later."  
  
"Hey! Are you trying to say I eat too much?"  
  
"Why no Homer," said Carl as he nervously scratched his head, "I'm just saying that uh- you could, ah-"  
  
"Just say it Carl," said Lenny, "Homer. You're too fat."  
  
"No I'm not, I'm just big boned! Why are you being so mean Lenny?" asked Homer as he looked like he were about to cry.  
  
"Now look what you've done, he's going cry now." said Carl.  
  
Homer sobbed hysterically and cried on Carl's shoulder.  
  
"Dammit Homer, I called you fat yesterday and you didn't cry then." said Lenny.  
  
"It must be that time of the month again," said Carl, "There there Homer, Carl's here to make sure you're all right."  
  
"Gosh Homer, I'm really sorry," apologized Lenny, "Here, have another fudge doughnut."  
  
Waylon pulled his head out of arms, watching Lenny and Carl try to comfort Homer. He frowned and interrupted their apologies. "Doesn't anybody care why I'm crying? I might be out of a job tomorrow, all that fat man has to worry about tomorrow is running out of doughnuts to eat. We've been coworkers for years, doesn't that mean anything?"  
  
When Waylon mentioned running out of doughnuts Homer began crying louder. Frowning, Carl replied "Nobody cares about you Smithers. You've been nothing but a pain in our necks for years, why would it matter if you get fired or not?."  
  
"Yeah," chimed in Lenny, "The only guy who even liked you was Mr. Burns, and that was only because you kissed his ass so much."  
  
"Obviously," said Carl, "You must not have been kissing it enough, I heard that hot dame is gonna replace you."  
  
"Do you mean Mabel?" asked Waylon.  
  
"Mabel Kitchner? Oh she sure is hot, I didn't know she's replacing Smithers as the top boot-licker," said Lenny.  
  
"No, I mean that other hot dame, Andrea Giarrusso," said Carl.  
  
Waylon stood up, wiping away his tears. He marched right up to Carl and grabbed him by his light blue jacket collars said, "Andrea Giarrusso is not going to replace me."  
  
"But that's what Andrea keeps telling every-"  
  
Before Lenny could finish talking, Waylon grabbed him by his shirt collar. Gripping both of their collars, Waylon Smithers said, "Andrea Giarrusso is not going to replace me. I don't care what she says. It's not happening."  
  
"But she said-"  
  
"What did I just say, Lenny?" glared Waylon.  
  
"He said it ain't gonna happen." said Carl.  
  
"That's right Mr. Carlson, Andrea Giarrusso is not going to replace me. Now tell me more about what Giarrusso has been saying about me."  
  
It was morning in the office of C. Montgomery Burns. With the sun set low in the sky, long shadows stretched across the carpeted floor of the spacious room. All was quiet. Nothing stirred atop the grand desk. A small black silhouette sat upon the darkly shadowed chair. No sound was heard in the still silence of that space until a creak whined from two big double doors. Then duo wooden doors boomed open, letting in a long shaft of light that cut long shadows short. C. Montgomery Burns, with his interning assistant Mabel Kitchner at his side, hobbled into the room. Slowly, with small short shuffles of old feet, Burns walked to his grand desk. Burns stood before it, facing a dark form seated on the chair behind it. Mabel turned on the light, a small stuffed bear was clearly seen seated on the chair.  
  
"Ah, Bobo. I see you've done a splendid job guarding my fine throne," said Burns as he shuffled around his desk and picked up his bear.  
  
"Mr. Burns? We need to talk," said Mabel very nervously.  
  
"What is there to talk about my dear?" asked Burns as he sat on his chair.  
  
"You have been a great boss, but-"  
  
"But what, sweet buttercup?" asked Burns as he stroked Mabel's hand.  
  
"That!" exclaimed Mabel, pulling her hand back, "That is what we need to talk about."  
  
"What?"  
  
"I know that you are very strongly attracted to me-"  
  
"And you secretly to me, but one day you will admit the truth and we-"  
  
"No. I am sorry to be the one who tells you this, but I am not attracted to you."  
  
"Oh but of course you are. You absolutely adore me-"  
  
"I absolutely hate you," mumbled Mabel under her breath  
  
"What was that?"  
  
"Um, I mean- uh, well it's like this-" said Mabel stumbling for words.  
  
"There's someone else, isn't there?" asked Burns with a suspicious look.  
  
Andrea Giarrusso sat at her desk in front of Burns' office. She wore a short, but somehow professional-looking skirt with a red blouse. Curly brown hair hung from head. Thin-framed glasses were worn around her eyes. She leaned back in her chair, and stretched her legs out on the table. With assorted stacks of paper and a telephone before her, she filed her nails ignoring various calls on hold. Totally preoccupied with her loafing on company time, Waylon Smithers marched up to Giarrusso's desk without her notice until he was a few feet away from the doors of Mr. Burns' office.  
  
"Hey," shouted Giarrusso as she got to her feet and blocked the doors with her body, arms stretched out wide, "You can't go in there, Burns is in an important meeting."  
  
"Out of my way Giarrusso," demanded Waylon, "I'm going in whether you like it or not. All you're in charge of is answering the telephone."  
  
"I'll be in charge of more than that after Burns fires you!"  
  
"I have been working with Monty for years, he'll never fire me."  
  
"Don't be so sure about that, Waylon."  
  
"Stuff the attitude before I tell Burns to fire you, Andrea."  
  
"Like what you say matters to him anymore."  
  
"What is that supposed to mean?"  
  
"Your time is over, Waylon. It's time for better employees to take charge of things."  
  
"Get out of my way."  
  
"And what if I don't? What are you going to do about-?"  
  
Waylon shoved Giarrusso aside, knocking her to the floor. Putting his hands to the handles, he quietly pushed the two office doors. As the doors silently opened to a thin line, Waylon heard Mabel and Burns starting to argue. He stopped himself from opening the doors all the way and he decided to listen in. Giarrusso got up and tried to push Waylon away, but she stopped to listen in as well.  
  
"Mr. Burns," scolded Mabel, "I am sick and tired of your sexual harassment!"  
  
"Of course you are," winked Burns as he caressed Mabel's cheek.  
  
"Of course I'm not!" screamed Mabel as she slapped Burns' hand away.  
  
"How dare you!" exclaimed Burns as he stood up.  
  
"I'm just going to say it. I hate you."  
  
"What?"  
  
"You heard me. I hate you."  
  
"No, you can't-"  
  
"I hate you. I hate you. I hate-"  
  
"Enough!"  
  
"I can never love you. You are a disgusting, hateful thing that should have died decades ago- with the dinosaurs you were born with!"  
  
"Enough!"  
  
"How could anybody- anything ever love you? I don't understand what Waylon sees in-"  
  
"I said enough! I get the idea," said Burns, turning away from Mabel to gaze out the window.  
  
"So you'll stop hitting on me?"  
  
"Oh yes, I will cease my amorous advances. After I tell your father you played nymphomaniac with every worker at this plant."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Your father will be so disappointed you let yourself go."  
  
"Y- you wouldn't dare- he wouldn't believe-"  
  
"If he doesn't believe me, I'll let him ask the workers- who will say whatever I want them to say."  
  
"They wouldn't lie for you!"  
  
"They will if I threaten to fire them."  
  
"You- you monster! I'll tell him the truth about you!"  
  
"He'd never believe his old mentor would do anything wrong. Would he feel the same way about a young impressionable daughter, fresh out of college?"  
  
"What- what do you want?" asked Mabel with her head held low.  
  
"Given up?"  
  
Mabel nodded meekly.  
  
"I wouldn't ask you to go out with me now, not much sport in winning a lady with a broken spirit. I think I'll keep you as a servant, have you continue on as my assistant."  
  
"But Waylon is supposed to be your assistant, he'd be devastated to lose his position."  
  
"So? I was going to fire him anyway. For weeks, I suspected you refused my advances because you were in love with him. Now I see you also hate me."  
  
"No, I never loved him," lied Mabel, "Please don't fire him. He's a good man- and a good friend. It- it wouldn't be right for him to suffer because of me."  
  
"I'll fire him anyway. First I'll keep him around and torture him as revenge for standing in my way. Then when his spirit is broken- like yours is now, I will fire him."  
  
"But what about all the years of loyal service? Doesn't any of that mean anything to you?"  
  
"I don't care about him! He has been nothing but a well-trained lapdog to me. I only kept him around because none of my other workers are as competent as he is."  
  
"You- you're not human! How could you be so cold-hearted? Waylon is twice the man you are!" sobbed Mabel.  
  
"Twice the man I am? Don't make me laugh! Did you know that on the day your father called me, he had the idiocy to believe I considered him a friend? Me, the great Monty Burns, friends with that pantywaist weakling? Smithers isn't a man, he's a whimpering fool who'll crumple under my heel like all the fools who dared stand in my-"  
  
Waylon could not stand it anymore. The double doors of Burns' office burst open as he marched into the room. He could not hold back his rage at the injustice of Burns' words. For weeks, he felt a building anger toward Mabel, who stood in between him and his career. But after hearing Burns speak of him like he were less than a man, Waylon realized who he should really be angry at.  
  
"Burns! I've had enough!" screamed Waylon.  
  
"Smithers! What are you doing here?" exclaimed Burns.  
  
"So the truth comes out! After all these years of loyal service, you still have no appreciation for the work I have done for you," replied Waylon.  
  
"Appreciation? Anyone could do your job, you're nothing special." said Giarrusso.  
  
"You stay out of this you bit-"  
  
"Quiet Smithers, before I fire you," warned Burns.  
  
"I was a fool. I gave you some of the best years of my life hoping you'd- you'd-"  
  
"I'd what Smithers? Want to be your friend? Ha ha ha!" laughed Burns.  
  
"And then for these past weeks I felt so jealous of Mabel for getting more attention from you. I'm so sorry Mabel, you were nothing but a good friend, you tried to warn me, but-"  
  
"But what?" asked Mabel.  
  
"But I couldn't let myself see the truth that has been staring at me all these years. A truth I realized just now."  
  
"What is it?" asked Mabel.  
  
Suddenly, Waylon turned to Burns and screamed into his face: "You are an evil, whithered old man!"  
  
Burns staggered backward, shocked at Waylon's behavior. "Smithers, what are you saying?"  
  
"All these years, I fooled myself into thinking you were a grand visionary who would bring greatness to the world. I thought that devoting my life to you was the best thing I could ever do. Now I realize that I wasted my time. You're nothing more than a selfish old man with too much money."  
  
"How dare you talk to me this way, I-"  
  
Everyone gasped as Waylon slapped Burns before he could finish his sentence.  
  
"You- you slapped me," uttered Burns, completely mortified. "How dare you! Do you want me to fire you?"  
  
Waylon stood in disbelief at what he had just done. Guilt splashed across his face, before a look of determined rage washed it away. "Yes, I do dare! And you're not going to fire me! Not if- not if- not if I quit first!"  
  
"You can't quit! I'll fire you before you-"  
  
Again, Waylon slapped Burns before he could finish his sentence. This time the old man fell to the ground, more astonished than before. Giarrusso rushed to Burns' aid, getting in between him and Waylon.  
  
"Consider that my resignation."  
  
"I will," replied Burns as he staggered to his feet with Giarrusso's help, "Now get out of my sight before I fetch the hounds."  
  
Tears welled up in Waylon's eyes as he looked at Burns pointing to the door. He said goodbye to Mabel as he marched out the door. Waylon kept walking. By Giarrusso's desk. Through the hallway. Down the stairs. Past the breakroom, the workers, the lonely corridors and familiar stairways, and out the front door. Standing outside, simmering with hate, he fully realized what he had just done.  
  
"Oh my God! What have I done?!?" Waylon Smithers cried out and crumpled to the ground sobbing in a fetal position. Mabel Kitchner rushed out the door shortly after, and held Waylon in her arms. 


	4. Hopeless Dreams

Note: This story was made in honor of the fictional series it was based on, and done so without any intent to make money. All respective copyrights belong to their respective owners. The "Simpsons" characters borrowed for this story don't belong to me but the ones made for this fanfiction are, so please don't use them without permission.  
  
HOPELESS DREAMS by Silvertide  
  
"Waylon? It's me, open up."  
  
"Go away."  
  
"What was that? I can't hear you, can you open the door?"  
  
"I said go away!"  
  
"I know you're angry right now but- wait, I think I still have the key for the door. Ah. I do!"  
  
"No! Don't open that door. Please Mabel, just leave me alone!"  
  
A young woman opened the door into the apartment of Waylon Smithers, former employee of the richest man in Springfield. The woman, Mabel Kitchner, walked into a room barely lit by sunlight peeking from behind a shaded window. She tiptoed around dim shapes strewn across the apartment floor and pulled up a window shade. Daylight shot out of the window, revealing a disheveled man sprawled on the apartment floor. Several bottles, soaked with the scent of cheap beer, surrounded the man crumpled over with despair.  
  
"Waylon, have you been drinking again?" asked Mabel.  
  
"Leave me alone, I can't stand to have you see me like this," moaned the man on the floor.  
  
"Oh my poor Waylon, did you drink yourself to sleep?"  
  
"I didn't sleep."  
  
"I see," said Mabel with a sorry look, "How did the job interview go?"  
  
"It didn't. When I called yesterday afternoon, they told me someone else got the job."  
  
"That's awful, no wonder you spent all night drinking again. Here, let me help you up," said Mabel as she tried to lift Waylon to his feet.  
  
"No, no, you don't have to-"  
  
"It's okay, let me help you." The young woman held up Waylon as he staggered to stand on his own two feet. "With your qualifications you'll find a new job in no time. I'm sure of it."  
  
"You really don't have to check up on me like this, I can take care of myself," insisted Waylon, "You've helped me out more than enough already."  
  
"Don't worry about it, I'm just paying you back for all the help you gave me when I was just an interning assistant." said Mabel as she helped Waylon take a few steps.  
  
"You've been a very good friend Mabel, I just wish that- wait, what do you mean by 'was just an interning assistant'? I thought you-"  
  
"Oh! I mean when I was just starting out as-"  
  
"Burns promoted you, didn't he?" Waylon pushed Mabel away, breaking her hold on him.  
  
"No! No, he- I mean- oh, I wish I didn't let it slip out like that," replied Mabel sorrowfully.  
  
"How long?"  
  
She looked to the floor, avoiding his glare.  
  
"How long, Mabel? Tell me!"  
  
"Last week," said Mabel, still staring at Waylon's apartment floor. "He asked me if I wanted the promotion after you left, I refused, but everyday he kept insisting I take the job. Last week he started demanding I take the promotion or he'd-" Her voice began to choke up as she tried to finish her sentence. Then she became silent and tried her best not to cry.  
  
"How could you!" Waylon glared at Mabel with pent-up rage. "You've taken my job? After all I did to help you, and you betray our friendship by taking my old job, you-"  
  
"I had no choice, he threatened to tell my father I was sleeping around with the employees at the plant," said Mabel as she held back tears.  
  
"So? We both know that isn't true, you could have refused-"  
  
"I can't. You know how important my father's respect is to me. He'd never believe me over him."  
  
"You've betrayed me. Get out."  
  
"No, listen to me. I had no-"  
  
"Get out!" screamed Waylon.  
  
"Wait, I-"  
  
"Get Out! Get Out! Get Out!"  
  
"But-"  
  
"Leave! Now!"  
  
Trembling with fear, Mabel backed away from him, then turned and left his apartment. The door slammed behind her. Holding back tears, she ran back home as fast as she could. Blaming herself for what had happened, she had been taking care of Waylon ever since he quit working for Burns. Her friend rarely went out, he spent most of his time in his apartment. Alone. She took care of basic necessities for him, such as buying groceries and cooking his meals. Poor Waylon was not able to even make a sandwich without bursting into tears over his separation with Burns. After all she had done for her friend, he still looked at her with scorn, with hatred, with the mistrust one would give an arch-nemesis. But not all the time. Some days, he treated her as the friend that she was, and occasionally looked at her as something more. Those few days encouraged her to keep helping, but no amount of motivation could overcome this latest outburst.  
  
Mabel flung open her apartment door trying to hold back the sobs. Her door slammed shut behind her as she threw herself onto her bed, wetting the covers with tears. Eventually she calmed down and sat up, hunched over with her head drooped in sorrow. Mabel looked around her bedroom and began to weep as her calm disappeared into deeper sorrow. Pictures of Waylon were scattered among various "Malibu Stacy" collectibles adorning her room. Realizing he may never let her visit again, she gathered up all of her photos of him. Snapshots of him and her at the zoo. Pictures of them at the circus. At work. Photos of them together. Pictures of just him. Holding down tears, she tossed them all into a cardboard box along with a handful of "Malibu Stacy" fan guidebooks authored by Waylon. The man who became who best friend would never look at her as a friend again. After taping the box shut and shoving it aside, Mabel took out a little pink book. The words, "My Malibu Stacy Diary" were printed on the cover.  
  
As she dried her tears, Mabel found a pen and tried her best to write an entry:  
  
Dear Stacy,  
  
After today, you will probably be my best friend again. No matter what happens, you will always be my friend, which really means so much to me. Even when other "friends" in my life have disappointed me, you were always there ready to understand what I was going through. Today, I have something to get off my mind. Maybe telling you about it will help.  
  
I have always had a problem with men I love making me cry. Whenever I disappointed my father, he always found something to say that brought me to tears. What is wrong with me? It is like my happiness depends on pleasing someone of the male gender. Today I have accepted that Waylon, despite being a great guy, is not "the one". I will never find happiness with him. I know he loves me. I just know it. But after today, it is obvious he loves Burns more. I don't know what it will take for him to choose me over Burns- short of turning into a bald, dirty old man.   
  
Men. They are so stupid! I should just give up on them. Dumb Burns. I hate him. I am only working for him because my father wants me too. I am starting to hate my father too. Why does he want me to run his little business empire anyway? It is not like any of my half-brothers and half-sisters cannot do it. So what if I am his only legitimate child? People secretly born to women he never married can still run his company. Revealing the truth would not be that big of a scandal. I want to follow my dreams! I want to work in the doll industry. So what if I will not make as much money? I will be happy, that is more important than doing what some man wants me to do. I felt really sad when I started writing this, now I feel really angry! I should live my life trying to make myself happy, and if the men in my life do not like it, too bad for them!  
  
This little chat really helped, Malibu Stacy. Thank you for being there. Thank you so much, Malibu Stacy.  
  
After writing in her diary, Mabel put it away and looked around her room once more. With new sense of determination pushing her on, she rifled through her things, tossing her belongings about left and right. Every so often she would find a picture of her father, which was then tossed on her bed. When she finished searching through her whole apartment, every photograph of her father was gathered on top of her bed. The cardboard box full of pictures of Waylon was taken out. She tore the tape off. Her father's pictures were piled into it, she closed it again and sealed shut with fresh tape. Mabel shoved aside the box, finished drying her tears, and left the apartment.  
  
Mr. Burns sat in his office reading the newspaper as his personal assistant, Andrea Giarrusso, groomed his fingernails. Her curly brown hair was frazzled from long days of serving her boss hand and foot. A vacant, bored stare was beginning to become a permanent feature on her face. Ever since Waylon Smithers quit, she had to take on his old duties of being Burns' personal servant. Giarrusso carefully filed at the brittle nails of his bony fingers, as Burns grew bored with his reading, and slumped in his chair. Suddenly, the newspaper was slapped on Giarrusso's face, knocking her glasses off. She sighed and without protest, she bent down to look for her glasses.  
  
"Bah!" exclaimed Burns, "Today's paper is so boring. Giarrusso!"  
  
"Yes Monty?" Giarrusso got back up without finding her glasses.  
  
"Go find me a better publication to read. And do it fast, woman!"  
  
"But I can't see without my glasses," replied Giarrusso as she went back to the search for her glasses.  
  
"I said fast, woman!"  
  
"Sorry sir, I will do it right away," said Giarrusso as she tried to blindly navigate around Burns' desk.  
  
"Oh, and I like your new look."  
  
"New look?"  
  
"You look very pretty without glasses, you should leave them off more often."  
  
"Thank you sir," said Giarrusso as she felt something crack under her foot. She bent down and picked up her glasses with a quiet groan. When she put them back on, she sighed upon realizing there was a large crack on one of the lenses.   
  
"And one more thing, bring me a nice glass of lemonade while you're at it, I'm feeling a tad thirsty."  
  
"Yes sir. Very good sir," said Giarrusso with the best fake smile she could muster.  
  
A few minutes later, she returned holding a platter with a glass of lemonade and a sheet of paper resting on it. She put the lemonade on his desk, and handed him the sheet of paper, which was full of fine print.  
  
"What is this?" asked Burns, looking at the paper.  
  
"While you're enjoying you lemonade, I was wondering if you thought about what we discussed the other day."  
  
"You mean the will?"  
  
"Have you thought about it?"  
  
"What is there to think about, I'm not going to put you in my will."  
  
"But if something ever happened to you, all your money would go to the government and bankers that don't care about you. Or worse yet, maybe the money will go to charity! Wouldn't it be better if your money went to those who really care about you?"  
  
"Well, I suppose it would..."  
  
"Your money should go to those who took care of you. To those who made your life better. To someone like me."  
  
"But if I put you in my will, you might be tempted to do something unseemly like... poison my lemonade!" Burns pushed the glass of yellow liquid away from him.  
  
"Oh, don't be ridiculous, I would never do something like that. I just want to make sure that your money goes to people who deserve to have it."  
  
"And you think you're one of them."  
  
"Well who else in your life cares about you?" asked Giarrusso as she caressed his bald scalp.  
  
Burns slapped away her hand and stood up with indignation in his eyes. "So you just want my money? And I thought you genuinely liked me, but now I know better. All these shows of affection were just to butter me up so you could bewitch me into putting you into my will!"  
  
"No! I-"  
  
"Enough! Get out! Consider yourself fired."  
  
"What? But- But-"  
  
"Are you deaf? I said you're fired."  
  
"Fine," replied Giarrusso as she slapped Burns in the face, "I never liked you anyway. The way you were treating me really wasn't worth the money!"  
  
As she scornfully stomped away, she passed by Mabel in the hallway.  
  
"Is he in his office?" asked Mabel.  
  
"If I were you I would quit and leave that stingy old man all alone."  
  
"What do you mean by- hey, what happened to your glasses?"  
  
"I am through with working for him. You should quit and leave him all alone without any assistants around for him to abuse."  
  
"You quit?"  
  
"No, he fired me. You're the only one left now. Congratulations."  
  
Giarrusso continued on and left Mabel standing speechless. Burns' last assistant went on and walked into his office. The old man was in a foul mood. He was tearing up the unsigned piece of paper that was handed to him moments ago, when he noticed Mabel walk in. His eyes instantly perked up and he beamed a smile.  
  
"Mabel! Good to see-"  
  
She slapped him in the face. "Shut up."  
  
"How dare you! Do you want me to call your father?"  
  
"Go ahead. I don't care anymore. I don't care if you fire me. I don't care what kind of lies you tell my father. In fact, I don't care what he thinks of me anymore either. You have no control of me."  
  
"What? Is this some kind of bluff? I can call him right now, you know."  
  
"Go ahead."  
  
Burns reached for his phone and began to call her father, but Mabel stood in front of him with her arms crossed, unmoved. He hung up, realizing she was serious. "You really mean it now, you're not bluffing."  
  
"Here," Mabel handed him a sheet of paper, "This is my resignation. I quit."  
  
"But- but you can't quit, I just fired Andrea now which means-"  
  
"You're out of assistants."  
  
"How could this have happened? First Waylon, then you-"  
  
"You happened."  
  
"Are you saying this was my fault somehow?"  
  
"Yes, because you acted like a jerk."  
  
"But I'm not a jerk, my behavior has been exemplary."  
  
"You should stop lying like that, your nose might get longer. Before I go, I want to thank you for something I've learned from my experience here."  
  
"What's that?"  
  
"That I can never find happiness with a man, because men only care about their happiness, not mine. All my life I tried to make my father happy by doing what he wanted me to. Then when I came here, it was my job to put up with and try to please you. Then there was Waylon. I'm tired of it. I'm quitting, if my father calls looking for me, tell him he has to find someone else to run his little empire, because I'm not the one who's going to do it!"  
  
"You're giving up on training to be the owner of Kitchy-boy's business empire? But you're his only heir."  
  
"No I'm not. He has plenty of other children, I'm just the only one born in wedlock."  
  
"Hmm. I should have known, he was always good with the ladies."  
  
"There is just one more thing I have to say to you before I go. Actually, it's more of a request."  
  
"I probably won't do it, but continue on."  
  
"Rehire Waylon."  
  
"What? That traitor!"  
  
"Yes. Rehire him. He's the best employee you ever had. I don't think you're right for him, but he can't go on living without you. Besides, no one else can tolerate the abuse from you like he can. Waylon needs you and you need him. And if you do rehire him, treat with more respect."  
  
"Why would I give him more respect, I'm better than he is!"  
  
"Personally speaking, the dirt under my shoe is better than you are. But that is beside the point. If he comes back and you want to keep him, you have to make him feel appreciated. From what he told me, he started to perform badly after you made him feel undervalued. He is a great assistant, don't forget that."  
  
Mabel turned away from Burns and left. He sat at his desk for several minutes, not knowing what to do. The glass of lemonade and the pieces of the unsigned will sat on his table, untouched. Burns picked up the newspaper he threw at Giarrusso, and tried to read it, but he knew that he was putting off the inevitable. He sighed as he reached for the telephone and dialed a familiar number.  
  
Waylon Smithers slumped in his apartment sofa. The lights were off, and the only light in the room came from the television set and a small opening in his window shade. He was watching a video of an old cartoon he watched as a small child. It was the episode of the Malibu Stacy cartoon where the main character fell in love with a young business man who had no time for love. Waylon sat up intently as the video reached the episode's climactic scene.  
  
"But why Steve? Why can't we be together?" asked Malibu Stacy.  
  
"I have dedicated my life to my career. As much as I love you Stacy, we cannot be together. I just do not have time for love," replied Steve, the young business man in the episode.  
  
Sad background music began playing in the background as the Steve character walked away from a crying Malibu Stacy. Suddenly the telephone rang. Waylon wondered why there was a telephone sound, he never remembered a telephone being in the scene. He heard the phone ring again, and he paused the tape, realizing it was actually his apartment telephone. He picked up the receiver.  
  
"Hello?" asked a familiar voice on the other end of the line.  
  
"Mr. Burns?" Waylon's eyes lit up with surprise.  
  
"Smithers? Is that you?"  
  
"Yes, it's me. What- Why are you calling?"  
  
"I want you to work for me again."  
  
"And what if I don't want to?" asked Waylon, trying to mask his joy.   
  
"Well, I have realized that although I do not consider you a... friend, you are my..." Mr. Burns struggled to finish his sentence, as he loathed to say anything sentimental. "...my closest acquaintance."  
  
Hearing Mr. Burns call him his closest acquaintance lifted Waylon's spirits. "Really? ...er, I mean that doesn't change anything, you still haven't shown the proper appreciation for all the work I did for you."  
  
Unseen to Waylon, Burns rolled his eyes at the thought of thanking anybody, but he put on a smile and said, "Thank you Waylon, for all the work you did for me all these years. You really did great work for me, and after comparing your years of service with my other employees, I realize that you were simply the best employee I ever had..." At the other end of the line, Burns quietly sighed and continued, "I said all those awful things about you to Mabel out of anger. I didn't..." Again, Burns struggled to say something so out of character for himself, "...I didn't really mean it. Can you please pardon my past transgressions of our... acquaintance, and come work for me again?"  
  
Elated to hear Burns say something so close to a sincere thank you, Waylon gladly accepted Burns' offer. Tears streamed down his face as he realized that being an acquaintance is very close to being a friend. And friendship is not that far off from what he wanted his relationship with Burns to be. For the first time in what felt like far too many days, Waylon Smithers felt happy again, happy because there was hope for his dreams to come true.  
  
One year after Waylon was rehired, he found himself escorting Mr. Burns to a party of wealthy business owners and rich investors. Burns was having a long discussion with a group of old friends, and Waylon found himself completely uninterested in their conversation. His eyes wondered the room and he saw a familiar shade of golden yellow hair sticking out of a crowd. Waylon excused himself from Burns as he made his way through the crowd. After circling around a small crowd of rowdy rich men drunk on expensive wine, he saw a beautiful young blonde feeding an old fat lady wearing ornate jewelry and out of fashion clothing. The blonde was Waylon's old friend, Mabel Kitchner.  
  
"These shrimp pastries are incredible. I want you to get the recipe for these and make some for me first thing tomorrow morning!" ordered the old woman.  
  
"Yes ma'am," replied Mabel.  
  
"Of course don't forget to prepare the report on the factory's earnings, and open up for the workers tomorrow before you get my breakfast ready.'  
  
"Understood."  
  
"Oh yes, and give me another sip of that champagne from northern France."  
  
Mabel put a glass of champagne to the woman's lips as she drank a small sip. All of a sudden, the old woman spit the drink back at Mabel's face.  
  
"I said the champagne from northern France, this is from southern France! You should keep better track of which is which," scolded the woman as she pointed to several glasses of wine on a nearby table.  
  
"How dare you!" Waylon saw what happened and could not stop himself from intervening. "How dare you treat this woman this way? It's demeaning enough that she's feeding you like she was your slave, how can you spit at her like that?"  
  
"Who are you to tell me how to speak to my personal assistants? Do you know who I am?" asked the old woman. Mabel recognized Waylon and smiled while her boss' attention was away from her.  
  
"No, I do not," replied Waylon.  
  
"I am Matilda Booring, owner of the largest Malibu Stacy factory in this state, the co-owner of several power distribution companies and the majority shareholder of several Fortune 500 companies. Who are you to question the way I treat my hired help?"  
  
Waylon had heard of Ms. Booring before, being a huge fan of "Malibu Stacy" dolls, he knew of her factory. Many former employees had sued Booring for mistreatment and poor wages. One former assistant claimed that she made him work 100 hour workweeks, for 40 hour workweek pay. All Waylon could say in reply was, "I don't care who you are, nobody should get away with mistreating their employees this way."  
  
"How rude! I-"  
  
"Excuse me Ms. Booring," interrupted Mabel, "Please allow me to deal with this personally. Remember what the doctor said about your blood pressure?"  
  
"Very well, Ms. Kitchner. I'll leave it to you- oh my! There's my old friend Glenda! Um, I will be over there chatting with my old friend. I'll call you if I need you."  
  
Ms. Booring left Mabel and Waylon alone. They stared at each other without saying a word for what seemed like hours. After a half minute of silence, Mabel broke the silence. "Hi."  
  
"Hi," replied Waylon with a friendly smile.  
  
"So I heard you're back with Burns, is he nicer to you now?"  
  
"Well, he apologized to me when he asked me to come back."  
  
"I could never imagine him doing that."  
  
"I never imagined you would be working for Matilda Booring. How did you get the job?"  
  
"One of her power distribution companies does business with one of my father's coal power plants. I managed to get a hold of her through some company friends."  
  
"So you finally made it into the doll industry like you wanted."  
  
"Oh, it's better than that. Matilda- I mean, Ms. Booring, is a visionary factory owner! She is such a great business women, and her taste in fashion is exquisite! She is absolutely wonderful," gushed Mabel.  
  
"But she has such an awful reputation, I heard she is penny pincher on salaries and-"  
  
"The way she treats her employees seems awful, but she really is a great person once you get to know her."  
  
"She didn't seem so great to me. And she doesn't seem to appreciate the effort you go through for her."  
  
"Ms. Booring does appreciate me, she just doesn't always show it. Besides, helping to make her happier is better than trying to constantly please a man."  
  
"What is that supposed to mean?"  
  
"After the last time we met, I realized that all my life I was following the hopeless dream of finding happiness with a man. After meeting Ms. Booring, I now know that I have to find happiness with another woman."  
  
"But women can be just as bad! Ms. Booring only cares about herself, she doesn't care about your happiness. Instead of trying to please a man, you're just trying to please another woman! You're in the same situation, but with a different gender."  
  
"Are you saying that I should try to just please myself and not care about the needs and feelings of others?"  
  
"No, then you'd be just like Matilda Booring, a foul, selfish human being."  
  
"You mean like Mr. Burns?"  
  
"No, Mr. Burns is better than that. He is a great man who deserves to have his whims and needs fulfilled by the world."  
  
"So you're saying that Mr. Burns is better than my boss? Does he care about your happiness?"  
  
"Mr. Burns is a great man, so great that he cannot concern himself with the happiness of people who are less than he is."  
  
"People like you?"  
  
"Yes... look, we are going off topic here. Just please tell me why you're working for her, is it because she owns a factory that makes Malibu Stacy dolls? Because you do know there are kinder owners of bigger factories in other states."  
  
"I started working for her because of that, but now I just love being with her, she's a great person to be with, I- I don't know how to put it into words. I feel fulfilled as a person knowing that I am with her. Even though she treats me a little roughly at times, I know that eventually, she'll feel the same way about me as I do about her..."  
  
"When I look into your eyes as you talk about Ms. Booring, I get the feeling you're in love with her, is that it?"  
  
"No, Waylon! The way I feel about her is nothing like the way you feel about Mr. Burns."  
  
"What do you mean by that, Mabel?"  
  
"Come on. It's obvious, I know you too well."  
  
"Changing the subject won't change the truth. I know you Mabel, I can tell you're in love with Matilda Booring."  
  
"I am not!"  
  
"Worse yet, you're in love with someone who abuses your affections, you have to quit, Mabel. Being with her will take you further away from happiness, not closer to it."  
  
"...I could say the same about you and Burns."  
  
"My relationship with Burns is different. Listen, just take my advice, your dream of happiness with that woman will never come true. It's hopeless."  
  
"The same could be said about your impossible dream of Mr. Burns-" Mabel looked over his shoulder and noticed her boss calling for her, "I have to go. But before I leave, I need to know something. Do you love me?"  
  
"Well, I love you as a friend."  
  
"Do you, or have you ever loved me as something more?"  
  
Waylon pushed back tears as he lied to Mabel, "No. Never, only as a friend... Did you ever love me? As more than a friend, I mean."  
  
Mabel knew he was lying, she saw it in his eyes. And Waylon knew she was lying when she replied, "No, I only saw you as a friend too. I have to go. Take care."  
  
"Goodbye Mabel."

They both held back their tears as she walked away.  
  
The End.


End file.
